A Week of Pins and Needles

The other night I stuck a safety pin through my tongue, just to see if I could feel it. I've accepted the fact that the lower half of my face is permanently numb thanks to nerve damage from my jaw surgery 16 months ago. Still, I remain hopeful that one day some feeling will return. And that Johnny Depp might call.

But I didn't feel a thing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. All I got was grossed out seeing a safety pin in my tongue. So Sid and Nancy-ish. I would have definitely flunked as a punk fashionista.

Later in the week I experienced a jab of another kind: my first bee sting. Now that I DID feel. Having never been stung before, I was concerned about a potential allergic reaction, especially since my heart started race-race-racing. I called my HMO's medical advice line.

"Can you breathe? the nurse asked.

"Uh yes, bu...."

"Please hold."

When she returned 15 minutes later, I snapped that my concern about an allergic reaction had pretty much been addressed because after waiting one quarter of an hour, I was still alive, thank you very much. I swear, for an organization that claims they want me to thrive, they sure are getting on my last intact nerve.

How fitting that the week ended with another unnerving experience: Layoffs. A subject scary enough to get anyone gasping for air. When my manager called me into his office to discuss a brochure I was writing, I thought it safe to deviate from my usual policy of avoiding management when rumors of layoffs are afloat.

After all, they can't fire me if they can't catch me.

But then he shut the door and launched our conversation with the subject of layoffs and my heart leaped to my throat. Duped by the old "bait and switch" routine! And clever man that he is, he stood between me and the door--there was no escape.

However, he just wanted to repeat what had already been shared during an impromptu meeting earlier that day: our organization's current state of affairs, which are actually quite good in light of the economy, and the fact that the whispered rumors were indeed just that - rumors that resulted from the elimination of one position.

Whew.

All things considered, I can live with a tongue as a pin cushion. There's so much worse to worry about...like wondering why Johnny hasn't called.