'Livvy and the Rainbow Bridge

My constant companion. My faithful friend. My forever love, yesterday, today, and always.

Olivia

February 27, 2008 - 
February 13, 2015

Promise to Olivia

My sweet girl is still with me, but three months after her diagnosis, I cannot ignore the heartbreaking facts: she's now doing the three-legged hop, and our formerly brisk mile-long walks have been reduced to ten-minute jaunts to the corner and back.  Her tail is still wagging,  she still gets excited when she sees her leash, and she still has a healthy appetite, all of which almost lets me fool myself into thinking maybe it's not that bad...

...until I see that limp. That's when I remember the vet at U.C. Davis telling me that a bone tumor is very painful followed with her dire warning about the excruciating pain of a leg fracture that is imminent at this stage. I also remember my promise to Olivia-- the same promise I made to Elvis and Lucy:

I won't let you suffer. I will never let you suffer. I have to let Olivia go before the pain becomes unbearable, even at the cost of my own personal grief.  

And so, I'm preparing my girl for this journey she's about to take without me. It may sound crazy, but it's been distressing to think that when Olivia crosses the Rainbow Bridge, she won't know anyone on the other side. That's why, on the floor, next to her pillow, I've placed a portrait of my mom so Olivia might recognize her face. It comforts me to think of placing Olivia in my mother's loving arms and knowing she'll take good care of her newest "grandpuppy."

At night, when I'm lying next to Olivia on her pillow, stroking her velvety ears and rubbing her neck, I tell her about this wonderful place she's going to visit. A place where she'll be reunited with Elvis and can once again run without pain.  I tell my girl how much I love her, and how sorry I am that she's hurting, but I promise she's going to feel better soon.  I try not to cry because I can tell it distresses her and I want her to feel nothing but peace and love. So much love.

And she snuggles deeper against me and sighs a contented sigh and I hold her tight and wonder how can I bring myself to take this final step, how can I say goodbye to this dog I love so much?  I never want to let her go.  But I have to.  

Because it's time to remember my promise.