Need an Ego Boost? Play Me

Should I ever find myself on a therapist's couch and am asked why a clever gal like myself suffers from low self-esteem, I'll blame those two guilty culprits: No, not Mom and Dad.

Try Words with Friends and Draw Something.

Because thanks to these two popular smart phone games, I've discovered that I can't spell and can't draw. There's probably a lot more I can't do, but I haven't yet discovered the games that will further deplete what little confidence I have left.

Really, how else can I explain the ten dozen consecutive games I've lost to each of my friends on the online version of Scrabble known as "Words with Friends?"

At least that's the game as I know it. From their end, they probably call it "Words with Idiots."

Here I am, tippy-tapping simple words like, "RAT" and "FOOT" and the ever-popular "QI." Whoa, lookee me---I just scored 14 points! Whoohoo, I rock. Satisfied and feeling just a tad smug, I sit back and imagine my opponents writhing in my infinite glory.

Then Sharon counters with "CONJUNCTIVITIS" down over "ESOPHAGUS" across, grabbing three double words tiles in the process. Or Peter responds with "AUDIORADIOGRAPH" over three triple point letters, while Terry creates "REPERTOIRE" and "UBIQUITOUS" out of my simple "PET" while crossing two triple word tiles. Deb does a slam dunk with "DEMYTHOLOGIZERS," Maria rakes me across the coals with "DISEQUILIBRATED" and Kim takes it home with "METHOXYFLURANES."

Their triple digit points leave my eyeballs spinning. Even as I look at the words they created, I can't quite figure out how they did it.

They make my brain hurt.

So I take a break and move on to Draw Something, the online game in which you draw a sketch based on a certain word and your opponent tries to guess it.

My word is "ATHLETE." Okay, that's easy. Using my fat finger as a stylus, I draw a stick figure holding a brown baseball bat and hitting a white softball with red stitching. I'm quite pleased with my creative use of color. I hit "send."

Then my opponent, whom I can only guess is channeling Leonardo Da Vinci, sends me her drawing. A multi-colored, three-dimensional sketch of a Renaissance court jester, so life-like I can almost feel the velvet of the jester's cap and hear the laughter of the king he's entertaining. What's the word I'm trying to guess?

"FOOL."

A subliminal message, no doubt.

But the perfect word for using up those extra "o"s in that other game, and across a double-word tile, no less. I'll score a whopping 16 points!

And so it goes.

Words with Friends

It's official: I've joined the masses.

That's right. Thanks to the iPhone, I've become one of those people that I used to sneer at. Techno-Zombies who are constantly checking their iPhone, linked to it like a new appendage; sneaking peeks during meetings, eyeballing it in movie theaters, glancing at it ever-so-casually during conversations, paying half-attention to TV shows, and jumping out of bed with a Pavlovian response when we hear the "ping" that indicates an incoming message. Now I understand why everyone is so addicted to these infuriating iPhones.

They're all playing Words with Friends, of course. You know, the online version of Scrabble. I mean, duh, is there anything else?

I've always loved Scrabble, but it's kind of hard to play when you live alone. Now, with my iPhone, I have the game literally at my fingertips and can play anytime, anywhere. Cool. Like the other day, when I had time to kill while waiting for a doctor appointment. Yowza, how 'bout a game?

So there I was, studying the "board," calculating moves, stragetizing options and using brain cells that haven't fired up in years. And then I found The Perfect Storm. A word that utilized a coveted "Z" (ten points), two triple-letter blocks, and created a horizontal and vertical word.

It was the white whale of board games, the Scrabble equivalent of The Holy Grail. Not quite believing my good fortune, I held my breath, hit "play" and WOW! It was a bazillion points more than I had calculated! I was so delighted, I actually cackled, drawing odd looks from people sitting nearby. I was feeling pretty darned smug, imagining the look of total shock and awe on my game partner's face when her iPhone "pinged" and she saw my brilliant move.

Then the game crashed.

And with it, my bazillion points. My white whale. My Holy Grail. Gone in a nanosecond, thanks to modern technology. The very technology, I realize, that allows me to indulge in real-time Scrabble with a friend who lives 50 miles away.

Can't argue that. Game, anyone?