...until I see that limp. That's when I remember the vet at U.C. Davis telling me that a bone tumor is very painful followed with her dire warning about the excruciating pain of a leg fracture that is imminent at this stage. I also remember my promise to Olivia-- the same promise I made to Elvis and Lucy:
I won't let you suffer. I will never let you suffer. I have to let Olivia go before the pain becomes unbearable, even at the cost of my own personal grief.
And so, I'm preparing my girl for this journey she's about to take without me. It may sound crazy, but it's been distressing to think that when Olivia crosses the Rainbow Bridge, she won't know anyone on the other side. That's why, on the floor, next to her pillow, I've placed a portrait of my mom so Olivia might recognize her face. It comforts me to think of placing Olivia in my mother's loving arms and knowing she'll take good care of her newest "grandpuppy."
At night, when I'm lying next to Olivia on her pillow, stroking her velvety ears and rubbing her neck, I tell her about this wonderful place she's going to visit. A place where she'll be reunited with Elvis and can once again run without pain. I tell my girl how much I love her, and how sorry I am that she's hurting, but I promise she's going to feel better soon. I try not to cry because I can tell it distresses her and I want her to feel nothing but peace and love. So much love.
And she snuggles deeper against me and sighs a contented sigh and I hold her tight and wonder how can I bring myself to take this final step, how can I say goodbye to this dog I love so much? I never want to let her go. But I have to.
Because it's time to remember my promise.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry. Elvis and your mother will take good care of Olivia when it is time. Sending good thoughts and prayers to you and Olivia.
Eileen: Find comfort in knowing that you are doing right by Olivia. Olivia will only know love and peace from you as she takes on her new and very important duties in Doggie Heaven. I will let our Chow-mix Titus, who journeyed to Doggie Heaven on September 21, that Olivia is on her way, and be sure to say hi!
Olivia will always be with you, never forgotten, and never replaced. Sending kind thoughts.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Olivia. It is truly shocking that a dog so young and healthy could fall terminally ill so quickly. Our 13 year old elder statesdog is blind, arthritic and was diagnosed with cancer in early January. So far, he's responding well to an oral chemo regimen but we know our time with him is limited regardless and have vowed to appreciate what time we have left. Being 13, that all makes it a little easier to bear, but I often think of you and all the losses you have suffered and realize what we are going through is a hill of beans compared to you. Your love, grace and willingness to share your journey has given me great courage to keep loving our dogs despite and because our time with them is so limited. Take care.
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