As the Jaw Turns: the Final Chapter

So it's been 14 months since my maxillofacial (jaw) surgery. Not that I'm counting. But I have sort of been conscious of time since I've been anxiously waiting for the feeling to return to the lower half of my face.

Lips? Dead.
Jawline? Dead.
Upper and lower gums, roof of mouth, tongue?

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Tests show that my motory nerves are fine, which means everything moves perfectly normal. Thank goodness for that. Only the sensory nerves are affected. I finally saw a nerve specialist yesterday (out of pocket, mind you) to learn if this is typical 14 months after surgery. And most important: is it permanent?

His $17 a minute response? Yes. And yes.

This surgery is fraught with potential nerve damage, he said. Most patients regain all the feeling they're going to recoup by month 9. And for patients over the age of 40, it's a very high-risk procedure. 85% of all patients over age 40 suffer some type of permanent nerve damage. Mine just happens to be worse than most.

So sorry, he said. That'll be $250 please.

Talk about pouring salt in the wound.

As I forked over my credit card, I was thinking, golly gee whiz, wouldn't it had been nice if Kaiser had thought to share this minor tidbit of information with me during our initial consultation three years ago? Before I got the braces. Before I embarked on the three-year journey to correct my open-bite and misaligned jaw. Because once the braces were in place, I was committed to the surgery: the two went hand-in-hand. There was no going back.

If just once, during our consultation, Dr. Hottie had mentioned, "Oh by the way, since you're over 40, there's a strong chance this surgery will leave your face feeling like a totem pole," I'm pretty darn sure I would have reconsidered. Yeah, my open-bite made chewing difficult, but let me tell you: a dead-as-a-doornail mug ain't no day at the beach, either.

This is my new reality.

Now believe me, I know there are much worse things in life to bear, like the poor woman whose face was chewed off during a chimp attack. Now she's got problems. All things considered, I know I'm very blessed. And so, you want to slap some sense into me, please, go right ahead.

Because I won't feel a thing.